Connecting to the body
In my job as a nutritional therapist working in mental health – notably disordered eating and addiction recovery – and in my work within my co–project: Breaking The Rules, I spend a lot of time talking about “connecting to the body” or “feeling the body”. I talk about how, after much of the nitty–gritty of recovery, I can take a step back and allow my clients to start to explore and engage with what their bodies are telling them. I passionately believe that almost all the answers to our nutritional health (with exceptions being about very specific illnesses and conditions – and even then we cannot override the body’s signals) can be found with listening, hearing and responding to our own bodies. Our bodies look after us and our job is to take time to hear and respond. If we repeatedly ignore our bodies then we will become poorly – physically and mentally.
However the concept of “connecting to the body” or “feeling the body” is vague and can be confusing. This is especially so if there is still a strong disordered, destructive voice making it hard to hear and/or trust what your individual body says on an individual day.
Kae Tempest in their book “Connection” writes clearly and powerfully about connecting to art, people and thereby oneself. Reading their book I am constantly reminded of the work I do with clients to support them to hear, feel and respond to their body.
We, the readers or listeners, are crucial to the text, story, song becoming powerful. We are not impartial observers; we are a fundamental part of the circuitry; if we are not connected, the charge will not be able to flow.
Kate Tempest
Tempest is writing about connecting to art. However, the same principle applies to connecting to the body. In parallel to the above quote, the body is the art and the person is the reader or listener. We have to be engaged and we have to listen. Sometimes it can be easy and innate to do so, sometimes it takes a bit of work. Either way, we need to tune in. We need to be aware that the body has something important to say and we have to be open and able give the body an opportunity to speak out. Otherwise, we are suppressing the body and thereby suppressing ourselves.
Following “advice”– from another person, your own rules, the internet, social media, a magazine, and sometimes even some “professionals” – is not tuning in. It is suppressive because it pushes down the body’s ability to talk and be heard. You, the body listener and reader are no longer tuning in to your own body’s messages but engaging in outside dialogue.
How does anything or anyone else know what an individual needs in an individual moment? An analogy might be an article on self–care on the internet. The article might, in a well–meaning manner, say that “good self–care” is to meditate. This may be true for many people. However it might not be what you need in that moment, in that time of your life, with your individual circumstances. Instead you might need to scream, cry, write an angry letter, eat your dinner, watch TV, hug a friend, phone your mum, fall asleep under your partner’s jumper, read a feminist article, shake out your anxiety, dance.
It is our job (and our human right) to be the body’s reader and listener. This means putting aside body and food rules and dogma and confidently and calmly following through with what our bodies are trying to tell us…
So how can I describe what connecting to the body actually means and actually is?
It is always hard to describe feelings – physical or otherwise – but I hope that these series of examples will shed some light of a tricky, nuanced and sometimes confusing path forward.
Breakfast time
For breakfast you usually have overnight oats. You know this is a good breakfast for you because it keeps you full until you have a coffee break at work, around 11am, where you would usually have a flat white and a cereal bar. However, today you want white toast, butter and jam. You know you might be hungrier earlier and you equally know you might need a different snack whenever it is that you do become hungry.
A voice inside your mind says: stick to overnight oats because it is safe and familiar.
Body says: I need something sweeter, quicker, more fun.
Why is the body asking for something different, when overnight oats works? There are many different biological, hormonal, nutritional, social and food-personality reasons for this and all these reasons are valid and need to be honoured. Trusting your body to make this decision is important. Distrusting your body will lead to increased food angst, dissatisfaction, resulting in a rise of stress, potentially resulting in acting out with food in an unwell way.
Snack time
It is snack time and usually you have tea & biscuits or sometimes you are too busy to have anything at all. However, today you are really feeling a want for fresh fruit. You have some unhelpful rules around fruit; it is “sugary” and does not fill you up. Yet your body is asking for some different vitamins, maybe it is a bit less hungry today, it wants a change – all good valid reasons to honour the body.
A Trip to the Theatre
It is a bit early for dinner but deep down you know you will be too hungry to enjoy the second half of the play, without eating first.
You are not hungry but an ice cream is fun and won’t fill you up and you would enjoy sharing 2 little pots of sweet cold cream with your friend as you chat about the play and life’s gossip during the interval.
A Chaotic Sunday Family Lunch
There is a lot of delicious food but equally a lot of chat about the food and bodies and what everyone likes to eat, does not eat and should eat. It can feel confusing as to what to do – tricky to know who to please. Connecting is to ignore the chatter (or hear but put aside) and check-in to the body’s appetite and needs. Deep down you do know how much lamb, potatoes and roasted root vegetables you want. Whatever the answer is perfect – because it is you.
Following through with what the body is asking for (without fretting about the rules) is an imperfectly perfect feeling. Not everything is perfect, but most of your needs are met in the given circumstance and that feels enough. Connecting and responding to the body feels like your shoulders coming down, it feels calming and centring. It feels like a tiny bit of your personality has been honoured and met. It feels nourishing on many levels. It feels like you could enjoy it at the time and then move on (you are not left hungry, over-full, lacking). It feels like you can mange your portions and your portions are not managing you. It feels like you can enjoy the food but also the conversation and atmosphere or the novel you are reading at the same time. It feels like it is safe not for the food or circumstances to be perfect because most of your needs are being met. If feels like a kind of independence because you are deeply self-caring.
Allowing for practical complexities
What if I can’t get the “perfect thing” to eat?
What if what I wanted actually did not taste nice?
What if I wanted to eat at 1pm but my only break was 11.30am?
What if I have leftovers that need to be eaten but I don’t really want them?
I am hungry at 6pm but my friends always book dinner for 8pm.
My nutritional therapist told me to eat more of a certain food
My answer to all these questions or concerns is to:
Allow things to be perfectly imperfect. Don’t forget your compassion.
Maybe the most convenient thing is to have the leftovers (or maybe they really don’t taste nice and you would rather a sandwich instead); maybe you made a pasta but overcooked it and it isn’t that nice but you don’t have time to re-cook then it is normal and well to eat the meal anyway and have a nice evening thinking about and doing other things; maybe you need a snack at 6pm to keep you going until 8pm; maybe the perfect sandwich was not available in the shop – take this opportunity to explore something new and if it is isn’t as nice or filling, remember the body will be fine as long as you listen and respond to its needs. Sometimes, food can be thought of more as medicine. If this is the case for you, (e.g. maybe you are working on having more omega 3 fats in your diet), with a bit of repetition you can start to notice that the body was asking for it after all. Please be mindful that if you are following a certain piece of food advice, it is important that there is good reason (to do with your physical or mental health) to do so and not because of a disordered ideology /aesthetic goal.
With all the complications, remember the body will be fine. The body is perfectly able to cope with a little bit of non-purposeful, not-perfect eating, in fact it is designed to do so.
A quick word on intuitive eating. Much of what I have said sounds and feels like intuitive eating. Intuitive eating is a ground-breaking, significant advance of nutritional therapy – especially for those in disordered eating recovery. However, it is a term that I often see misused and misunderstood and often over-complicated or over-simplified. I find the above language of working to connect to the body more freeing and in tune with the complications of recovery.